Presenting a True Tale from the Gaming Interwebs –
The Bear, The Dragon, The Stag and Red the Raider
Raider Gal: “Hey kid, I saw you giving the Boss the side-eye last night. Looking to be the Boss?”
Raider Guy: “So? I’d lead the best raider gang you ever saw, but whatever. I’ll grant you the Ice Man is tough, but what raider Boss walks everywhere including to a raid? And what’s with that painted target on his backplate?”
Raider Gal: “Oh kid, I wouldn’t let him hear you call him that. Sure, he was from that vault on the hill over there, completely frozen or something because of Vault-tec, you know that right?”
Raider Guy: “So how’d he get unfrozen then?”
Raider Gal: “He unfroze himself, that’s how tough he is.”
Raider Guy: “That’s just a story.”
Raider Gal: “Think you got what it takes to be a Boss? Got any support for the takeover? What ya going to do about Sentinel or One-Shot?”
Raider Guy: “Sentinel will drop dead soon from the smell alone. That guy needs to get out of his power armor more.”
Raider Gal: “I hear ya talking, but don’t see it in your eyes like you need if you’re gonna be Boss. Besides, the Boss will see you coming before you even know you started. Others have tried . . ..”
Raider Guy: “And failed, yeah, I get it.”
Raider Gal: “You think Sentinel smells bad? You will be too when you’re a rotting corpse inside that armor.”
Raider Guy: “What? You mean . . . there’s a corpse in the suit? The suit walks around by itself?”
Raider Gal: “Yeah. Imagine all the pre-war tech by the people with the best smarts you can think of, all those now long dead bastards distilled into a single drop of technological horror – that’s what powers that suit. That’s Sentinel. You see when a raider gets his notions about being the Boss, the Boss beats ‘em to death with that swatter of his . . ..”
Raider Guy: “Who made that thing, anyway? What’d he call it?”
Raider Gal: “
Hate and Malice. So listen, you keep interrupting. Like I said the Boss beats ‘em to death if they get notions, then he puts their corpse inside the suit.”
Raider Guy: “As a warning to others in the gang?”
Raider Gal: “No, as a warning to uppity settlers who don’t want to work for free. See, the Boss will have Sentinel roll up, then open up in front of them. That corpse, not matter how long gone, just slides out in front of them kneeling settlers. Sentinel closes up and walks away.”
Raider Guy: “Oh shit . . ..”
Raider Gal: “Imagine yourself as a settler seeing a rotting corpse fall out and the power armor just walks away without anyone inside.”
Raider Guy: “Yeah . . ..”
Raider Gal: “Look kid, the vault thing might be a story but here’s what happened to the Boss down at Natick. This is true, so listen up. So the Boss was walking south past that Red Rocket when a big ol’ Yao Guai rolls down the hillside at him.”
Raider Guy: “Shit! Natick is nothing but bears and Deathclaws from what I heard! What’d the Boss do?”
Raider Gal: “. . . the Boss didn’t do anything but stare at the bear. The bear didn’t really see the Boss from that far, just saw something coming down the road and made to go eat it. But when that bear finally saw it was the Boss it turned around and ran back the way it came.”
Raider Guy: “No way that happened.”
Raider Gal: “It happened. Pay attention kid. This is true. The bear runs away from the Boss, but just coming over the hilltop from the Glowing Sea was a Deathclaw. Like you said, nothing but them down past Natick. So this Yao Guai and this Deathclaw are tearing at each other and the Boss is just watching. You can imagine the fight, right?”
Raider Guy: “Hell yeah I can. Yao Guai are no joke.”
Raider Gal: “They’re tearing at each other when this deranged Radstag decides to join in the fight, rushing up the hill. That happens to them sometimes when someone’s making too much noise, they get pissed. I mean, imagine it – this Deathclaw and this Radstag are going at this bear with all they got.”
Raider Guy: “A pissed Radstag isn’t something to mess with either. The Boss just staring at ‘em the entire time?”
Raider Gal: “Yeah, so despite fighting a deranged stag and a Deathclaw from the Glowing Sea itself – not one of them kind you see up past Lynn Woods, but an honest to hell Deathclaw born and growed up in the Sea with all that radiation, that bear wins and walks away.”
Raider Guy: “Shit.”
Raider Gal: “Get this straight in that head of yours, kid. No matter how badass that bear was fighting a Deathclaw and Radstag on this hill, and winning, the next time you get notions about taking over as the Boss remember who that bear ran away from first.”
Raider Guy: O.O
Raider Gal: “Hey, looks like Jammer and the Boss are calling up people for a raid. Best get yourself over there. Listen kid, if you want to impress the Boss, make sure to be up front with him during the raid.”
Raider Guy: “The Boss is going on the raid?”
Raider Gal: “The Boss
always goes with us on a raid.”
Raider Guy runs off to the growing crowd.
Random Other Raider: “You know the hired guns protecting that settlement will tear that kid to pieces if he’s up front with the Boss, right?”
Raider Gal: “Yup. See, the Boss asked me to keep an eye out for up-and-comers, or what he likes to call
Little Bears. He doesn’t mind ambition, hell, if you can fight like that bear in Natick and yet run away from the Boss when you get notions, he’d want to know about that raider.”
Random Other Raider: “So how’d you get with this gang?”
Raider Gal: “You know all those raiders that hung with Jared, Tourette and Tower Tom? I’m the only one of those the Boss spared. He recruited me, so here I am.”
Random Other Raider: O.O
Remember kids, only the most fantastical parts of
this story are true (YouTube link time 1:46 to about 5:35 or so)