A Sim Settlements Development History

[snarkywriter]

Below is a 100% true recounting of the events behind the development of Sim Settlements, as first recounted on the Sim Settlements Discord. Trust me, I'm a doctor.
____________________________________

The devil went down to Boston
He was lookin' for a settlement to help
He was in a bind
'Cause he was way behind
And he was willin' to make a deal

When he came upon this young man
Moddin' on a game and playin' it hot
And the devil jumped
Up on a hickory stump
And said, "boy, let me tell you what

I guess you didn't know it
But I'm a Bethesda modder too
And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you

Now you make pretty good content, boy
But give the devil his due
I'll bet a self-building settlement mod
Against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you"

The boy said, "my name's Kinggath
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been"

Kinggath, rosin up your keyboard and play that CK hard
'Cause hell's broke loose in Boston, and the devil deals the cards
And if you win, you get this shiny self-building settlement mod
But if you lose, the devil gets your soul

The devil opened up the CK
And he said, "I'll start this show"
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he rosined up his keyboard

Then he ran his fingers across the keys
And it made an evil hiss
And a band of demons joined in
And it sounded something like this

When the devil finished
Kinggath said, "well, you're pretty good, old son
But sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done"

He played Raiders in the Settlement run boys, run
The devil's in the House of the Sole Survivor’s Son
Marcy in a shanty house pickin' at Jun
Granny, does Dogmeat bite? No child, no

The devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that self-building settlement mod
On the ground at Kinggath's feet

Kinggath said, "Devil, just come on back
If you ever want to try again
I done told you once you son of a I love you
I'm the best that's ever been"

He played Raiders in the Settlement run boys, run
The devil's in the House of the Sole Survivor’s Son
Marcy in a shanty house pickin' at Jun
Granny, does Dogmeat bite? No child, no

 

[DoctorKaizeld]

Here's the prequel

On a warm summer's eve On a train bound for Boston
I met up with the Modder
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-starin' At the Computer at the CK
The boredom overtook us, And he began to speak

He said, "Son, I've made a life
Out of buildin' settlements
Knowin' what the mods were
By the way they held their place
So if you don't mind me sayin'
I can see you're out of ideas
For a taste of your coffee
I'll give you some advice"

So I handed him my thermos
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a computer
And asked me for a esm
And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, "If you're gonna play the CK, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

You've got to know when to build 'em
Know when to update 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your esps
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the buildin's done

Every modder knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to quick save
'Cause every mod's a winner
And every mod's a loser
And the best that you can hope for is to die under the lewd

And when he finished speakin'
He turned back toward the screen
Crashed out his esm
And faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The modder he broke even
But in his final words
I found a mod that I could keep

You've got to know when to build 'em
Know when to update 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your esps
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the modin's done

 

[WetRats]

CTDs
All I ever seem to get are these
Even with a mod list I have squeezed
It always ends with CTDs

Suddenly
My frame rate’s not what it used to be
Try to save but what’s the point you see
It’s gonna be a CTD

Why I had to add
One more mod, I couldn’t say
It looked really cool
Now I drool
And watch my run-through go away

Oh CTD
Why do you keep coming back to me?
Just want to get to Di’mond City
Without another CTD